John N N Ng’ang’a Meditation of January 27th ,2025….Infidelity….includes musturbation and phonography ?
Day1
Matthew 5
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Thus casual sex is sleeping with anyone without a long term commitment. But you know when you open up this issue of sexual immorality, which is our topic, it creates other issues.
Do you know masturbation is also sin? Because what is masturbation? Masturbation is enjoying sex without commitment to a partner. You are having sex with yourself.God said, yes sex is good but to enjoy it make a long term commitment first. Masturbator says I am not getting married I will sleep with myself. That’s what masturbation is. Enjoying sex with yourself. You are not misusing others, you are misusing yourself.
And obviously you know a guy who is condemned in the scriptures because he actually did something like that. He got a sexual release without the girl getting pregnant. You know the story, isn’t it? That sex must be allowed in marriage not where you use others or yourself for your enjoyment., understand the whole issue of masturbation is a non–christian thing. The reason it is non-christian is because sex is God gift under certain conditions: marriage bed must be held honourable. If you have masturbation you actually get sexual release but you are not relating with anybody. But you are getting sexual joy or sexual experience without long term commitment. And that’s what makes sex,sin. That’s why a lot of people say, oh it is okay. Our children are being taught that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. After all you will not end up with AIDS. The way to avoid AIDS is to masturbate.
We used to think it is a boys’ problem, these days when we are counseling we discover a lot of girls are actually masturbating so that it is no longer now a boy’s issue. It is also girls’ issue because of the teachings we are allowing them access. Remember the issue of worldview. Whereas some people in our generation thought masturbation is a very bad thing, the new generation doesn’t think it is a very serious issue. But you need to understand When the Bible says marriage bed must be honoured, it means you can only enjoy sex in marriage. So, you cannot be masturbating, experiencing sexual release, with yourself because then you will be disobeying God’s command.
But of course, you are likely asking me, Brother Ng’ang’a you are now making it too complicated. Even sex with myself it is still a sin? You need to understand that when you steal, it doesn’t matter if you are doing so because you are hungry. A thief is a thief even if he stole out of hunger. Like if I am walking out of here and there are some chips along the street… and I am feeling so hungry I look around grab some chips and move before am seen. If you run after me and catch me I will still be jailed. I will be sent to Police but I will not be able to say I was hungry and be excused. If I am hungry I should beg. When you are given by the owner…it is ok.
Who is the owner of your body? God. If you want to enjoy sex, you go to God and apply. Before then. You cannot say it is okay. No, no, no. You are not allowed to enjoy it outside the owners rules.
Day 2
But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother.
Then the other thing that is included in sexual immorality is not just masturbation and pornography but also homosexuality. Here in homosexuality is that you don’t want to masturbate with all the consummation because many people that are masturbating are ending up in problems because when you masturbate especially when you are single, even after you are married, there is a certain way you have been enjoying it that doesn’t come with your wife. So many married men still masturbate. Have you read that? So that it doesn’t seem to stop. So the wife wonders, how come I am never satisfied? It is because the guy is having sex with himself. He has been having sex with himself all the time. All because he started it in a small way then he got addicted to it . Most of the sexual issues are addictive.
In fact a lot of people when they sleep with girlfriend meant it only for once and say, just once never later before the wedding. Do you know that, that once makes the second one very easy? So that if you don’t ever want to be sexually immoral , don’t do it the first time. And that’s basically what we are saying in the article.
So homosexuality is where you actually now decide, I don’t want to end up with this guilt conscience of having sex with myself. So you go for another girl or another boy. After all as a girl you don’t want to be accused of going with men. So you go for another girl.
But Look at Romans 1:26,
because of this God gave them over to shameful lust, even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.
Are you getting it? Because of giving up on God, God gave them over to shameful lust. Why are they shameful? Because women wanted to have sex with women. In case you think it is condemned just in the New Testament, let’s go to the Old Testament, Leviticus 18:22,
do not lie with a man the way one lies with a woman. That is detestable.
I was in South Africa and bought a book from a church, written by a church of homosexuals. It is a big book written by many theologians trying to justify homosexuality. They themselves, Aliens in God’s Church, as the title of the book. In other words, we belong to church but people are rejecting us. Yet Can you see how clear the word of God is? It says clearly, do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman. It is absolutely clear. God has not left us unsure of his instructions.
We are here we are dealing with the issue of homosexuality. And whether we are talking about two women or two men, God is absolutely clear it is wrong. It is characteristic of a depraved man ,a man whom God has given up on,for you to be interested in another man. Sex is only allowed for the members of opposite gender and even then, only then within long term commitment.
It doesn’t matter which category of sexual immorality we are talking about. Whether it is homosexuality, whether it is masturbation, whether it is casual sex, whatever the issue, the Word of God is categorical and clear, it is evil for you are supposed to only have sex only with your spouse and so when you have it outside that you are breaking God’s law.
The only good thing however is that God is forgiving God. Do you know that? Once you repent you even have secondary virginity. In other words, He is able to forgive you, sort out your marriage, and treat you as holy. But you must begin by calling it sin. As long as you will cover it up, thinking it was not such a bad thing, God does not forgive excuses. He only forgives sins. If you can go and admit with your husband that what we did before the wedding day was sin, God is willing to forgive and sort you out. Even if there is something immoral you have been doing after you are married, God is willing to forgive. But it all begins with repentance. When you repent, He can restore you and help you to have a good marriage within the rules of the scriptures but you must be willing to repent.
Let’s pray that the Lord Jesus, may show us that you truly want us to live righteously but we can’t do it within our power. We are seeking his help, first of all to admit our sinfulness, secondly to admit where have played wrong but thirdly to seek his help that he may truly give us the energy to live righteously as we relate with one another and with our spouses into the future.
Day 3
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
Remember we spent quite a bit of time above just stating clearly that God wants us men to be married and stay married with one wife in one bed. When we talk about sexual immorality, we saw that there are the various types of sexual immorality. Obviously, you may be doing one and not the other and so you feel you haven’t done too badly. So, we spent quite a bit of time just talking clarifying about it.
Remember, our topic is generally infidelity or not doing zero grazing on matters of sex. Isn’t that what the meaning of infidelity? It is avoiding zero grazing. Those of you from rural areas you understand what is zero grazing. Zero grazing means the cow never moves out of its shed. But there are a lot of you who don’t want to do zero grazing. The word of God says you must do zero grazing sexually. And that’s what we emphasized.
We then want to ask, how can you live a life of fidelity? What are the things that can help you to live a life of fidelity? If you are single fidelity means you stay single fully. No sex .You know there are people who are single- married and that’s wrong. If you are single be properly single. And I think we have already spent a bit of time emphasizing how if one day you get married your purity in singlehood creates a sexual experience much deeper than for people who lived loosely. Did I talk about that? And it is important to understand that’s why you must remain purely single.
Of course, what we want to find out is how can it happen in single hood. I want us to open the book of Matthew chapter five and we can read quite a number of scriptures. Let’s just start at Matthew 5:27,
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a]
So, I can see when we talk about living righteously, it includes living in fidelity. How does the New Testament define it? The passage says,
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
A totally new definition of infidelity. When it is put like that many of us are adulterers. You get the point? That if that’s the definition, and that’s the definition given by the word of God, even many of us born again people have to keep repenting. Of course, it means you have been faithful to your wife, you have never slept with another woman, but have you ever thought of another one? If you ever thought that way, it is not that you got tempted to sin, you actually sinned. Let me just look at it in case you think I am the one saying it. It is not ng’ang’aism. Look at verse twenty-eight,
But I say to you, whoever looks at a woman to lust for her… got tempted to commit adultery, is that what your verse says? No. it says, has already committed adultery. Just happened in the mind. And I thought we should start from this definition. You see here it is not if you sleep with her, it is if you look at her with lust. Just a look. Not that you have been tempted, you have already committed adultery.
And I think that is very important to note this. You know what I am saying, if you think that as long as I only touch her, I didn’t sleep with her, I am okay, then you are not obeying the New Testament. As long as I only held her shoulder, that was not a sin? Remember our topic today is how you can live a life of fidelity, how you can avoid sexual sin. The word of God seems to be giving us right there what we need. In other words, if you start defining sexual sin as something mental, then you will never do the physical one.
Day 4
for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine
For example, a lot of young people say, for me I only held her shoulder. I agree you held her shoulder, how did you feel? If you felt sexually nice, you are a sinner. It is very important to understand that. You know I only held her shoulder. When you held her shoulder, did you feel sexually nice? That niceness is called sin. And please read it for yourself. I don’t want you to say Ng’ang’a said it. It is saying if you lust.
These days I am getting very surprised because when we got saved- girls were girls and boys were boys. In fact even when we said embrace one another, we used to say embrace only the embraceable because there are people who can sit next to you who are not embraceable. But the new crop, and some of you I suspect are that age, have completely redefined the whole thing. You see young men embracing girls outside the church you would think they are going to be married. He is embracing her like they have been married for five years, yet they only met yesterday.
And I want to say that there are two problems with this. If you are saying you can do that, then you are really questioning the word of God. So I want to suggest to you that the first way of living sexually pure is to start by understanding definition of sexual impurity according to Matthew five is God’s instructions. That it doesn’t matter your age of modernity. And you know that’s why for example when you are dating you agree with each other, what can I do and not do. This verse gives you the standard. It says, you say you must not do anything that will cause you to be tempted in your mind. Not just physically but in your mind.
Not defining as per the bible is why people say, is it okay to hold hands. If holding hands does not cause you jitters, it is okay. You need to understand whatever it is that cause you to start feeling the nice, that niceness is for a marriage bed. So, you are not allowed to go for that niceness yet. I agree you are going to marry her next year, or is it next month but until that next month, it is called a sin. Are we together?
So, can you imagine what purity will be there when even people who are marrying next week start relating with each other aware of the above verse that we are talking about? Do you agree that you have committed sexual sin if you start imagining even before you actually do it?
I think that will be my most important emphasis on how to live sexually pure before the wedding. That when you are talking about a single person or we are talking about a married person, the first place you being is if somebody is not your wife, please watch out what is entering your mind. That’s why for example even if you are married, you cannot call another woman who is not your wife and start watching a sexually suggestive movie together and she is seated next to you. You are asking for trouble.
If you don’t get the niceness that tempts there is something wrong with you. It is important to understand that if you are talking about something that will tempt you, you can’t get involved in it. That’s why you cannot watch what tempts and it matter with who you watch. Yet when it is your wife she can be naked, half naked, fully naked, it doesn’t quite matter, it is not called a temptation. We must really emphasize that difference. That if you really are going to be somebody who is serving the Lord keep off sexual thoughts.
Day 5
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral
So the first thing we are therefore emphasizing is definition of sin. If you want to live righteously, how do you fight sexual sin? That’s what I am emphasizing. Please use Matthew chapter five to define sexual sin because if you don’t sin in the head, you are likely to sin down below. So, it is important that you decide upfront you will not allow sexual thoughts.… and unfortunately as much as we preach this, many in the church today are going the negative direction completely. Nobody seems to bother with it.
It sounds like they want to ask the pastor did you catch me? Where were you? I never slept with her. The Bible doesn’t accuse you of sleeping with her, even to think sexually is called a sin.
Remember we are answering the question, how can you live righteously? So, the first thing I said, take a biblical view of what is sexual sin. The second one is, please do not ignore biology. I know you were taught biology a long time ago for most of you. The last time I did I was in a biology class is over fifty years ago. But you need to understand biology of your body. When you embrace a girl, some temperatures start rising to tell you that you are biologically normal. If you can embrace a girl you admire and nothing happens, that means we may need to take you to hospital. Reason being ,God created us in a way that when people reach teenage and after teenage, the touch of a woman body should cause biologically okay man to feel a difference. It doesn’t mean you are holy, you are simply biologically wrong. We need to take you to hospital.
Holiness does not stop the body being affected . Biology remains biology. It is important to understand that. There is no pretending about it. And that’s why a lot of men of God have ended up in sin because they thought they were so holy nothing could happen.
In fact, when we were in the university there used to be a popular song which used to be sang by a choir we used to call Explosion Choir which I now say is untheological. You know what the song was, I have gone too far to look back again. People of my age will remember the song. It was a very popular song. It is theologically wrong. It is not in the Bible anywhere. There is no time you will be so holy the devil stops tempting you. So, the idea that: me, I am so deep in the Lord, even if she was lying on me, nothing will happen? That’s a lie. Unless there is something wrong with you biologically. If there is something wrong with you biologically, that will be okay.
Day 6
Hebrews 12:16
That no one may become guilty of sexual vice, or become a profane (godless and sacrilegious) person as Esau did, who sold his own birthright for a single meal.
Are you surprised that we are ending up with so many homosexual problems? Why? When young people these days embrace each other and they don’t feel anything. Some of them it is true they don’t feel anything because they are homosexuals. So if you are a homosexual even if a girl comes and lies on you, even if she goes naked, does it affect you? I doubt. But it means you have a biological problem.
So instead of saying you are spiritually strong, we should be taking you to hospital. Or else casting out some demons. It is very important to understand that if you are biologically normal there is away you are sexually affected. I still remember one of my friends whom we were preaching with who shared with me that the girlfriend, a sister in the Lord, had gotten pregnant. And by the way he chose to tell me in the middle of a weekend mission ministry. We were somewhere very far away from Nairobi preaching on a long weekend. In between he said, you know Brother Ng’ang’a I have been wanting to share with you. Something has gone wrong. Sister so and so is pregnant But the man is so deep in the Lord I didn’t know how it could happen. I retorted:Please be frank. What happened? How could it have happened? Because they are both very deep in the Lord. And he explained very simple that the girlfriend was visiting, when it happened. For them they wanted to serve the Lord for quite a number of years as singles. So, they were not intending to marry soon but they were still friends. They felt the Lord had led them together. I don’t want to tell you where in case I am talking about your uncle because now they are married and it is history. It is many years ago.
He explained that they were just meeting on a date and then the girlfriend wanted to cook for him. Remember they are both saved. But as she cooked he feels attracted to go to the kitchen, to cook together. Then they start like it is a joke, holding each other. Then they found themselves on a sit in the seating room. They were just the two of them. He says, honestly Brother Ng’ang’a I can’t remember what happened but she is pregnant. They never removed their clothes but she still got pregnant. Have you heard of those stories? They are close Christian friends.It is not a joke. I know they are not lying because they were restored in the Lord and they have been serving the Lord ever since. So I know it is not a lie. they had their clothes fully, but as they are playing he ejaculates. Then she is wet at the wrong place. That wetness is all that was required for the girl to get pregnant.
And you know it has never understood why it seems so easy for Christian girls to get pregnant. Non-christians do it ten times and nothing happens. It seems like When a Christian girl tries sex once, she gets pregnant. Have you heard of those stories?
Day 7
In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire
But it all starts with thinking that there is something wrong with you biologically and so cannot end up having sex despite playing with each other. That’s why I am emphasizing that you need to understand very clearly that God is good to you, and no wonder He has made you biologically ok. So when you sit next to a woman who is not you wife and then touches you and you feel hot, the first thing you say, halleluyah I am normal. Then secondly run away. So, the fact that you are normal is not something to be unhappy about, it is something to be grateful to God that you are normal. Isn’t that a blessing from the Lord? There are many people who are not normal. So, for you sister, brother, be happy that you are normal.
But having now known you are normal, take off like Joseph from tempting situations. Don’t talk, don’t negotiate, take off at Kipchoge’s speed. Now I don’t know who is the current guy but in our youth it was Kipchoge who was winning international medals for Kenya due to his speed. It is very important to understand that I am talking about righteous young people. I am also talking about righteous married people because even married people are tempted. You have a wife, nothing wrong. You are even counseling and you have no intention of ever, ever getting involved in adultery. Yet some still fall.
In fact, I written a book: Finding A Life Partner to help you on issues of sex. You need to read the chapter on sex, how to manage your sexual drive. Also, in my other book Leadership King David Style the biggest problem of David was how to manage his sexual drive. Even when he was an old man, having many wives, he was still having trouble. And so, the things I am talking about are actually better stated in these books. I looked at David. He was such a great friend of God but he forgot he is biologically blessed. And just that forgetting he is biologically okay got him to become not only an adulterer but also a murderer.
Yes, it all begins from not understanding your biology. And many, many married people have ended up in trouble because they ignored their biology. So, sister don’t start imagining that you can play with your pastor. He is such a holy man that you can go for counseling in a corner. He is very normal, he is blessed biologically. If you know he is blessed be aware he is dangerous. If he tells you, close that door behind you…. Ask, why? You want us to close the door? Have you been to hospital and proved not biologically ok? Because if you are normal you should not ask me to close the door. However much I respect you bishop, yes you are a bishop I agree, but are you biologically okay.
Now, that’s the question you ask the bishop when he tells you to close the doors for counselling . once you proof he is biologically wrong, then there is no problem. But as long as you are biologically okay, he must however holy he is, you must know as holy as you are, you are also biologically okay. Once you are both ok ..then it means a woman or a man, you will end up in trouble. By the way, this is not a matter of men or women, it is both. You know sometimes people say men act on sight, and that is true. In fact, somebody says men are more like a gas cooker and women are like an electric cooker. Both of them will ultimately cook .So it doesn’t quite matter whether man or woman. The only difference is the man will cook faster and quickly but the woman will still ultimately cook . The trouble with the woman is once fallen they cannot help themselves. Once a man sees, before he realizes trouble has happened. A woman is different. It will take time but once she has reached hot peak, even pouring water on the cooker, it will still cook. And that’s the trouble with women. One, they are gone past that point, she will even rape a man. You have heard of those stories. So, my brother do not imagine that because your visitor is a sister in the Lord it will not happen. There is a point, as long as that point is passed, your mind is in not control. As long as your mind is in control you are aware of what God says and you will be saying no. Sister, the moment you go past that, the boy doesn’t have to force you. You will be the one calling him even and undressing him. Later you can say he raped you but you are lying. The truth is you are the one who raped him. It is the way God has created us. Up to a point you are in control, beyond that point you are out of control.
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