John N N Ng’ang’a Meditation of February 3rd, 2025, Infidelity: How to Avoid It
Day 1
Exodus 20:14
“You shall not commit adultery.”
We have seen that both men and women can easily end up in sex unless they stop much earlier when the idea enters their mind. So, the question is, since there is that period of build-up towards the temptation, and I am telling you men have a shorter one, women have a longer one. How do you stop it? The good thing with the man is he might wake up faster, the woman takes a long time to wake up from the sex stupor. But both may be trapped into feeling like they cannot stop if they lose the emotional battle.
What we are saying is, simply understand your biology. Do not play around as you relate with the opposite gender thinking that it is okay after all he or she is such a holy person although not your spouse. No, no, no. If you love your marriage, please play the Joseph kick. Do you remember the Joseph kick? Once he realized what the woman was up to, he left her with his clothes. It is better to be in heaven naked than in a room closed with a tempting woman.
So, it is very important that you understand this. That is why many spiritual people have gone wrong. They imagine they are spiritually okay for they are Spirit-filled, heavenly packaged, and think there is something wrong with them biologically. So, it is very important to understand this whole issue must cover your biology.
That is my second point, that if you truly want to live a righteous life in your marriage or as a single person, please accept that God has blessed you biologically, and because He has blessed you biologically it means that you must know how to manage your time with people of the opposite sex. Are we together? It is very important.
Thirdly, to keep off immorality, it is important to understand God’s commandments. We do not seem to be teaching the ten commandments of God anymore. We are emphasizing the miracles of God, His love, His grace but not teaching the commandments. Am I right? Almost any service you go to, especially among Pentecostals, they are talking about miracles. Come to Jesus for a miracle. But remind them that the same miracle worker is also a commandment giver. If you ask somebody to give ten commandments, if he gives you six, please congratulate him. Yet in the original church in Africa, you could not get baptized unless you knew and memorized all the ten.
Do you know even the apostle's creed and what it means? The Anglicans I think might know, some of the Pentecostals have no idea of the creed. Yet the importance of the creed was that it was the way to summarize the Bible. It lists things that are so important that if you find somebody teaching something different, you know he is a cult. You know what I am talking about? The average Pentecostal does not know it. So, remember we are saying if you truly want to know God, then the word of God must become your guide... not your desires.
You must stop having a worldly worldview. Remember we talked about worldview earlier? Now start having a biblical worldview in all areas including the view of sex and divorce. And how do you have a biblical worldview? By saturating your head with the Bible. The psalmist says, the Bible will keep you from immorality.
“Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you.”
That is really my recommendation. If you want to live a righteous life. You need to read the Bible daily. Do not just read it. Read it as the word of God speaking to you. Do not read it like Ngugi wa Thiong’o’s Grain of Wheat. You have to read it as God speaking to you. Hearing God. Memorizing God’s word is important. That is why to me you must read it in every way. Please read it in your quiet time but also belong to a Bible study group.
Day 2
Leviticus 20:10
“‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbour—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.”
And why do I recommend a Bible Study group? Because a lot of our churches have become conferences. You cannot ask a question. You cannot deal with what you find unclear. So, you need to draw away from your large church to a small group where what you are not understanding you can share with one another.
It is important if you really want to deal with your philosophy of life, your biblical worldview, you get it by studying the word of God alone and with others.
Thirdly, you not only must have that biblical worldview, but you must also believe that God’s standards have not changed with time. Some assume God has changed. You know a lot of people say, but surely which girl is a virgin anymore? How can you continue believing that? That is the question they are asking us these days. How can you speak against divorce, how can you say that against this other issue? There are so many divorces today even among pastors. So, it sounds like God must change his standards with time. Is that our Bible? The same way it was read in the first century, it reads the same way. So, you need to start understanding that God’s standards are not going to change any time. You better change yourself rather than expect God’s standards to change. It will be important that you understand and accept that.
Fourthly, if you want to avoid immorality, it is important to understand there is nothing like safe sex. Now I am talking about our culture. Avoid taking the culture around you. One of the things that this culture talks about is safe sex. How do you achieve safe sex? Having condoms. You know first of all when you are talking about HIV/AIDS to non-Christians, it is important to emphasize condoms. Refraining from sex is not in another vocabulary, but it is in ours.
So, when you come to talking to Christians, you must start asking yourself, once he tells you he is committed to God, you must ask him why he is carrying condoms? Because when you carry condoms, you are just carrying them in case you end in sex. Now, in case means in case. So, you end up creating the case. Are you hearing me? So, it is important to understand you cannot leave room for sex however safe. And you know there are even wives who are suggesting to husbands, darling do not go without condoms? What are you telling him? That in case you fall, I will understand. Just avoid bringing HIV to me. It is okay you as a wife will understand, will God understand?
You know we have just said the earlier point that God’s standards are not changing. Isn’t it? And there is no standard that allows you to incase. So, it is very important to understand that whereas condoms are okay for non-Christians, because for non-Christians anything might happen. Chochote chaweza kutokea but for you all situations are under God’s control.
So, it is very important to know you cannot go into the condom-carrying generation and still call yourself a Christian. I am not suggesting that you stop carrying condoms because if you know you are a non-Christian, please carry them. It is important that you understand me. I am not against condoms, I am only saying, who you are matters? Once you know who you are as a Christian, then you cannot carry condoms. But if you know you might have sex outside the marriage bond, please carry condoms. So, I am not suggesting you stop carrying them. Please carry condoms until the day you totally surrender to God.
Day 3
Proverbs 6:32
“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.”
Although I am telling non-Christians they can carry condoms, please understand about condoms. Condoms are very effective but not a hundred percent. Have you read the literature? Sometimes they say they are even at ninety percent prevention for pregnancy. That is a very high percentage of success. They can prevent AIDS maybe even up to ninety percent. That is why everybody commends them. They are useful.
However, let me ask you, do you know Russian roulette? This is the practice of loading a bullet into one chamber of a revolver, spinning the cylinder, and then pulling the trigger while pointing the gun at one's own or another person’s head. If you are a father and your son has a gun, you only put one live bullet in one hole, the other four have blanks. Would you try that gun on your son? Remember there is only a twenty percent chance of killing him. Eighty percent chance you cannot kill him. Remember if you kill him, it is by chance. If you pull the trigger, there is only a twenty percent chance of killing him, eighty percent you cannot kill him. Tell me, would you use it on your son? Is there any father reading this who would use it on his son? That is how condoms work. They are even better than eighty. Ninety percent possibility you will not get AIDS. Only ten percent chance. Would you go ahead and use them with somebody who is not your wife? If she agrees to sleep with you how many others has, she agreed to sleep with before, although she will not admit? Even after you teach people the use of condoms, tell them the truth that if you use condoms, there are still chances you will get HIV. Remember the girl might not know whether she has AIDS. Because remember unless she was tested recently, there is a possibility she has. Remember what they say is that when you sleep with a girl, you have slept with five others because, even if she herself is okay, the person she slept with the previous time, is he okay? And the one he himself had slept with? You can pass even when you have no symptoms yes. We are told.
So, sleeping with this woman means sleeping with five others. So, in the end, it means that if you are not in a monogamous marriage, even condoms might not help you against HIV. Am I right?
That is why it is important to understand what the word of God is actually saying, do not take the worldly culture. As a church, we condemn pregnancy, or we condemn AIDS and that has created a problem. You know the normal thing now is that people fear HIV or pregnancy not God’s law. Do you know in a fellowship, if a girl gets pregnant, even the church elders are against her not because she slept but because she got pregnant? So, the problem now is not the sin? Do you know the Bible does not condemn pregnancy? Pregnancy is a blessing. You only get pregnant if you are blessed. So, you find a girl pregnant, hallelujah she is blessed. How many women are looking for pregnancy, yet they cannot get it? What is the problem is not the pregnancy, it is what she did under the tree, or was it the Hilton? It does not matter where it was but what she did is what is the problem. Yet the church somehow seems to be up against AIDS and against pregnancy. Those are not included in the Bible. Getting AIDS is not a sin, getting pregnant is not a sin. It is sleeping with a man who is not your husband.
Day 4
Hosea 4:13
“They sacrifice on the mountaintops and burn offerings on the hills, under oak, poplar and terebinth, where the shade is pleasant. Therefore, your daughters turn to prostitution and your daughters-in-law to adultery.”
So, we must not condemn what the Bible does not condemn. You know if you pick people from the youth fellowship you might discover one has gotten pregnant, the other five are not pregnant because they are using condoms or are using other preventive methods to prevent pregnancy. To God, He looks at the church and laughs at it because the church is only bothered about pregnancy. We do not seem to be bothered by immorality. God condemns all of them.
Remember earlier we spent the time defining immorality. Did I include pregnancy in it? No. It is important that we do not condemn only what the world condemns. As a church, we condemn what God condemns. And that is what you need to follow. It does not matter what the world says. You know a doctor friend of ours told me a very funny story about how a Christian woman, who sounded like a mature lady, got pregnant after serving the Lord for many, many years. She looked around on who could help her out of the embarrassment. She came to my friend doctor who is born again, and she said, the reason I have come to you is because you are the only one who can understand the situation. I have had a testimony for many years. I have served the Lord for many years. This pregnancy is spoiling my testimony. You are the only one who can help me protect my testimony before people discover. It will spoil my testimony. The doctor asked So, what do you want me to do? You procure an abortion for me. I am sure my friend must have burst into laughter. She is saying, let us protect the testimony. Does she have one? You do not have a testimony to protect when you are immoral. You lost the testimony the day you slept with a man who is not your husband. Isn’t it? So why are you asking for an abortion? It is so that now you commit murder after sexual sin like David. Are we together?
So, it is important to understand that whole idea about the testimony protection is wrong. Because the testimony you need to protect is with God who sees in secret. Isn’t it? He knows what you actually did. So, it is very important that we come to that realization. You know, giving a condom is a way of removing the shame… I am still talking about this culture that of giving Christian teenagers condoms so that they do not end up with AIDS. It is a very dangerous thing.
Let me ask you something, your son has grown knowing you as a Christian woman, that he knows you hate sexual sin? He knows you hate immorality. What about when one day he finds condoms kept at his bedside and then he discovers it is the mother who placed it? I know you are trying to protect him from AIDS, but what do you think he will get? Haiya, you mean even my mother knows I am old enough to have a sexual experience. I mean my mother thinks it is, okay? Can you imagine that son will start having sex? Once he knows the mother is behind it, is he likely to withstand temptation? No.
And that is what a lot of people are doing. Preaching to their children the value of condoms. You are creating an impression that what God calls sin is not sin. Isn’t it much better to talk to the boy the Bible truth? Talk about how to keep pure. If the boy wants to leave the faith, you can tell him clearly, if you really are not a Christian, the best thing I recommend for you is to get condoms. You can even buy condoms for him. But if you have a Christian son, the way out of it is not to have condoms anywhere. The way out of it is to keep righteous. You can spoil your son by giving him condoms because you are passing on the message it is okay to sin.
Day 5
Matthew 5:27-28
Adultery
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
The other thing you must understand is, avoid the “everybody is doing it” syndrome. We are still talking about the culture we are on and which you must avoid, which we call the “everybody is doing it” syndrome. That idea of everybody doing it makes it easier for you to do it also. Do you know the first step of you doing it is to accept others doing it?
So, it is very important to understand first of all three things: first, it is not true everybody is doing it. There was a guy called Elijah who felt like everybody was not worshipping God: I am the only one. He thought. What did God tell him? How many did God have? Thousands, isn’t it? So, you need to understand that is a lie of the devil to think that everybody is doing or not doing it. Before I retired, we were managers several of us on an outing. We were having a business dinner, about five or six of us. And then a girl passed, then my friend started whistling …. Then they realized I was there. They said, Ng’ang’a I did not realize you were here. I said, what is it? Then the man to defend himself, one of the managers said, you know Ng’ang’a you are the only one who does not understand what is bird watching? I asked: what is bird watching? You do not even understand what is bird watching! He said bird watching, it is men enjoying the beauty God has given in women. Then he explained to me that I am the only one who does not understand it. He said even his wife knows he must do bird watching. Then he went on to say, but you know Ng’ang’a for people at our financial level, you may be the only one without a ndogo-ndogo. Since they are all good family people, I expected the others to protest. Do you know none of them protested? They agreed with this guy that Ng’ang’a was the only one. By the time we reach our financial level, you can manage a good family and still have another one. That is what he was arguing. That you can manage a good family, go to church together and you still have a ndogo-ndogo concubine on the side and still manage to look after them well without your family suffering.
You know that is the culture. Where you feel everybody is doing it and so you feel odd if you do not do it. It is a very serious thing. It is very important to understand that God will not allow that. First, it is not true everybody is doing it.
Number two, you are not Mr. everybody. You are a child of God. You are special. Number three you have the help of the Holy Spirit, and they do not. So, do not go to that culture.
Next, I want you to understand that sexual immorality is prompted by marriage instability. That research that was done showed that sixty percent of people who turned out to be virgins came from stable families. They were just doing research to find out how many marry when still a virgin. Men can also be called virgins. It is not just women, any man or woman who married when they were still virgins, sixty percent turned out, they were from stable families.
What does that tell you? That the majority of the people who end up in sexual immorality or casual sex it all started from the kind of parenting they have. So that when your marriage collapses, you are preparing your children for sexual immorality. It is important to understand then, that when you do not have a good marriage, one of you will be tempted to be immoral and pass it to children. Of course, it does not give them an excuse to sin, but the devil can use it.
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