Daily Meditations from John N N Ng'ang'a: Week of 22 – 28 August 2011— Lust is Sexual Sin
Hebrews13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral
Why did God make marriage a ‘one-way-traffic’?
The Bible says that God hates divorce. To God it is safer to ‘stay with that guy as bad as he is than to try to move out of that guy’. He could have said He doesn’t like it. But He didn’t use the word ‘like’. He used the word hate. He used a strong language. Any relationship between two people is not trivial. They tell us in weddings that when two people come together in marriage union, it resembles putting two axes in one kiondo. They will always knock on each other. When I was a young man I hated that message. I argued it is not a message for a born again couple . I used to think it was inappropriate for Christians. Thirty one years of marriage with Rebecca has taught me otherwise. When you put two axes together, somehow they will keep knocking on each other when they are being carried. If one axe knows there is an alternative, it will jump out. I can tell you there is no possibility of marriage lasting if there is a way out. The only thing that will keep you together is when one knows there is no way out but to stay together.
So you realize that this husband is bad, but since he is yours for life, you will help him change. He may have come with large teeth but you put just have to put bandage on yourself so he cannot hurt even if he bites you. You work on your guy. He is finally like a toothless!
But if you knew you could jump out of the lion’s cage, will you stay there? No. But if you know this cage is mine with this lion, you will find a way to deal with the lion.
I think that’s why God talked about divorce with such strong language. First of all, He gave sex, which is a wonderful experience, and then He says you can only have sex with what you now imagine is a lion. God gave the two so that when you realize it is long term, you will find it important to find a way of taming the lion in each other. Every lion is tamable. So, your souse too can be tamed.
It is important to understand this because it helps you to work on your marriage. In the West even the church has said, “Now this marriage for life time thing can’t work.” I told the church there has softened their stand. They don’t believe scriptures can be fully relied on. They imagine God does not really hate divorce. You can divorce if you must. As such, the divorce rate for the non-Christians is becoming equal with that of the church in America, in recent statistics!
Obviously even among Christians the ‘axes are still knocking each other’. Marriages last if there is knowledge that you must stay with your lion. As soon as you open up to alternatives to ‘marriage for life’ your marriage cannot last. There is no such a marriage as a marriage without challenges. And why do I say that? We are all fallen creatures. We are fallen men. As such, there will be things your wife will say that annoy you. Once you are annoyed you will say something that annoys her. Two annoyed people can only produce ‘fireworks’. But it is only then that you realize that your spouse is not as good as you thought. You become interested and ready to sort out challenges. I have been married thirty one years. The reason why we enjoy each other’s fellowship with Rebecca is because we forgive one another.
The survival message for marriage is forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there is no marriage that can last. I am not such a good person. I may be good when you see me preaching. But you know we enjoy our marriage. Why? She knows she married a human being and she forgives me. I know, too, that I married a human being. Boys like calling their girlfriends angels. They are not. That’s a lie. They are very human. So when you realize how human they are and accept them as such, you are able to have a good marriage.
The long term commitment makes you invest in what will help you enjoy your relationship. As soon as a problem arises, you don’t look for a way out. You look for solutions. The reason we enjoy marriage is not because we don’t get your problems, but that we don’t look at problems in the same way you look at them. When you stay in a home and all you keep saying is, “They will never see my grey hair when I am still in this home”, then you can be sure to have to endure rather than enjoy marriage. In your 20’s grey hair look unlikely. Rebecca and I are past that. If you keep saying that then you are predicting the whole end of your marriage.
As long as that’s what you want you will get it. You need to change attitude to find a way of making the marriage last.
Day 2
Leviticus21:9
“‘If a priest’s daughter defiles herself by becoming a prostitute, she disgraces her father; she must be burned in the fire
We have been emphasizing that casual sex is sin. Casual sex is using somebody else as an instrument to satisfy you sexually and then discard them, since you have no commitment to them beyond the sex act. In other words when you sleep with a woman and you have no intention to marry her, you are just using her. Many people are used. That’s why prostitutes have no difficulty taking payments whether twenty shillings or three thousand. I don’t know their prices. I have never been involved in that. But you need to understand that the reason you are being told to pay is because there is no relationship, no commitment. So it is services rendered services to be paid for. Casual sex is when there is no long term relationship.
Casual sex is using somebody else and so it can happen even with some people who are not paid. You are still using any woman you sleep with without a wedding, and that’s prostitution even if there is no money. You are actually using her or she may be using you. And would God be happy with you when you use his creation? No. You would be in trouble with God. This is a sin against God since the person you are using is God’s creation. Thus, you should not play with anyone on earth. Not because of themselves, because some do not mind being used…….like for example a prostitute actually invites you. Even if she is willing to sleep with you, when you sleep with her you don’t have trouble with her, you have trouble with her creator.
God doesn’t want you to use a person because sex was created as a way of uniting two people, not a way of using each other. You are breaking this intention in casual sex because it is sleeping with anyone without a long term commitment.
Day 3
Gen 38
8 Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” 9 But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.
Ro 6:13 (NIV)
Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.
Matt 5:28-29 (NIV)
[Jesus:] "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."
Sexual immorality, involves other things also. Do you know masturbation is also a sin? If he has told us to even imagine the sexual act and calls it sin how could you masturbate without breaking the rule?
What is masturbation? Masturbation is enjoying sex without commitment because in doing it, you are having ‘sex with yourself’. God’s message is, sex is good but enjoy it only if you make a long term commitment with someone of the opposite sex. When you argue…’ I am not getting married, I will therefore ‘sleep with myself’…. then that’s what masturbation is. Enjoying sex with self is sin. You are not misusing others, you are misusing yourself.
A person is condemned in the scriptures because he actually enjoyed sex without due consideration of the lady. Onan had sexual release but avoided the girl getting pregnant. You know the story, isn’t it? Sex must be allowed in marriage not where you want to have sex but avoid long term consequences.
The whole practice of masturbation is a non–Christian thing. And the reason it is non-Christian is because sex is God’s gift only under certain conditions: marriage bed must be held honourable. If you have masturbation you actually get sexual release …sexual joy or sexual experience…by fantasizing without long term commitment. And that’s what makes masturbation sin. A lot of people say, oh it is okay. Our children are being taught that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. After all you will not end up with AIDS. The way to avoid AIDS is to masturbate. I say it remains a sin.
We used to think it is a boys’ problem, these days when we are counseling we discover a lot of girls are actually masturbating so that it is no longer now a boy’s issue. It is also girls issue because of the teachings we are giving them on TV. Remember worldview. Whereas people in our generation thought it is a very bad thing, the new generation doesn’t think it is a very serious issue.
But you need to understand it is exactly the same even today. Sinful since the bible does not change. When the Bible says marriage bed must be honored, it means you can only enjoy sex in marriage. So you cannot be masturbating, experiencing sexual release with yourself because then you will be disobeying God’s command. You are likely to say “Brother Ng’ang’a, you are now making it too complicated. Even sex with my self is still a sin?”
You need to understand that when you steal, it doesn’t matter if the reason you stole was because you are hungry. A thief is a thief even if he stole out of hunger. Like, if I am walking in town and there are some chips being sold along the street, and I am feeling so hungry, I look around and when no one can see me, I grab some chips. If you catch me I will still be jailed, I will be sent back to Police but I will not be able to defend myself by saying I was hungry.
If I am hungry I should beg from the owner, not steal, Isn’t it? Who is the owner of the woman? It is God. If you want to enjoy sex, you go to God and apply. It is important to understand this. You cannot say it is okay to steal. Similarly, you are not allowed to enjoy sex outside marriage, even if you have been unable to get a spouse.
Also, you don’t want to masturbate given all the resultant guilt. Many people that are masturbating are ending up in marital problems too. When you masturbate, especially when still single, even after you are married, there is a certain way you have been enjoying it that doesn’t seem to come from your wife. So some married men still masturbate. Have you read that? So the wife wonders, how come, he has so little interest in sex? I am never satisfied in bed? It is because the guy is having ‘sex with himself’. So by the time he comes to you he has been having sex with himself all the time and really does not need you. All because he started it in a small way then he got addicted to it.
Most of the sexual issues are addictive. For example when you sleep with your girlfriend before the wedding, by saying it will be only once, you discover that having the second one is almost irresistible. Do you know that the first makes the second one very easy?
If you don’t ever want to do it, don’t do it even the first time. Pornography is is used to aid masturbation and the best way to avoid it is never to view it even once .
Day 4
Romans 1:26-29
26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
Then the other aspect of sexual immorality that is prevalent lately is homosexuality. Homosexuality is where you actually now decide, I don’t want to end up with this guilty conscience of having sex with self. You also do not want to bother with the opposite gender. So you go for another girl like you. After all you don’t want to be accused of going with men. So you go for another girl.
Look at Romans 1:26… because of this God gave them over to shameful lust; even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. Are you getting it? Because of this, because of giving up God, God gave them over to shameful lust. Why are they shameful? Because women wanted to have sex with women. In case you think it is condemned only in the New Testament, let’s go to the Old Testament, Leviticus 18:22 which says: do not lie with a man the way one lies with a woman. That is detestable. I was in South Africa some years ago and bought a book from a church, written by a church of homosexuals. It is called ‘Aliens in God’s Church.‘ It is a large book written by many theologians trying to justify homosexuality and they say, we belong to church but church people are rejecting us like aliens.
I am sure God loves homosexuals and Christ died for them but, God does not say they are ok the way they are. Read the verses again. Can you see how clearly the word of God is condemning homosexuality? It says clearly; do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman. It is absolutely clear. And whether we are talking about two women or two men, God is absolutely clear it is a sin. In fact Romans says… it is characteristic of a depraved man …it is a sign of a man whom God has given upon. God has given you up …no wonder my friend you are interested in another man.
Sex is only allowed for the members of opposite sex and only then within long term commitment.
Day 5
John 1
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us
It doesn’t matter which category of sexual immorality we are talking about. It is all sin. Whether it is homosexuality, whether it is masturbation, whether it is casual sex, whatever issue, the Word of God is categorical and clear, you are supposed to only have sex on marriage bed and when you have it outside you are breaking God’s law.
However I must remind you the good thing: that God is forgiving God. Do you know that? You can have secondary virginity. In other words He is able to forgive you, and you become like a virgin. He can sort out your marriage problems caused by your past, but you must begin by calling it sin.
As long as you will cover it up, it will haunt you. God does not forgive excuses, He only forgives repented sins. If you can go and admit with your husband that what you did with him before the wedding day was sin, God is willing to forgive and sort it out. Even if there is something you have been doing after you are married, God is willing to forgive that too but it all begins by repentance. And when you repent He can restore you and help you to have a good marriage within the rules of the scriptures. You must be willing to repent.
Pray to the Lord Jesus that He may show us that He truly want us to live righteously .Since we can’t do it within our power, we are seeking his help, first of all to admit our sinfulness, secondly to admit where have been wrong. We should seek his help, that He may truly give us the energy to live righteously as we relate with one another and with our spouses.
Day 6
Matth 5
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell
From the beginning we have stated clearly that God wants us to be married and stay married to one wife for life. When we talk about sexual immorality, we include all types of sexual immorality because obviously you may be doing one and not the other and so you feel you are not immoral. Remember our topic is infidelity or the importance of sexual fidelity … Those of you from rural areas you understand what zero grazing is. Zero grazing means the cow never moves out of that place. But there are a lot of you who don’t want to do zero grazing. ‘Zero grazing’ on only one person... infidelity is avoiding zero grazing. The word of God says you must do zero grazing.
But we want to ask then, how can you live a life of fidelity? What are the things that can help you to live a life of fidelity? If you are single fidelity means you stay a virgin whether primary or secondary virginity. You know there are people who are’ single yet married ‘and that’s wrong. If you are single be properly single.
Of course what we want to find out is how can being chaste be sustained. I want us to open Matthew 5:27, so we can see, when we talk about living righteously, living in fidelity, what does the New Testament define it as? The verse says, you have heard it was said to those of old you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery and with her in his heart.
When it is put like that many of us are adulterers. You get the point? That if that’s the definition of sexual immorality, given by the word of God, even many of us, born again people ,we have to keep repenting. You may have been faithful to your wife, you have never slept with another woman, but have you ever thought of another one? If you ever thought, it is not that you got tempted to sin, you actually sinned. Let me just look at it again in case you think I am the one exaggerating it. It is not ‘ng’ang’aism’. Look at verse twenty eight, but I say to you, whoever looks at a woman to last for her (did not tempt you to commit adultery, but), has already committed adultery. Keep that in the mind. I thought we should start from there. You see here it is not if you sleep with her, it is if you just a look at her with lust. Not that you have been tempted, you have already committed adultery.
You know what I am saying, if you think that as long as I only touched or embraced her, I didn’t sleep with her, I am okay, then you are not obeying the New Testament. As long as I only held her shoulder, that was not a sin, you are not scriptural. Remember our topic is how you can live a life of fidelity, how you can avoid sexual sin.
The word of God seems to be giving us right there the secret to avoiding sexual sin. If you start defining sexual sin as something mental, then you will never do the physical one. Am I right? For example, a lot of young people say, for me I only held her shoulder. I agree you held her shoulder, how did you feel? If you felt sexually aroused, you are a sinner. It is true you only held her shoulder. When you held her shoulder, did you feel nice sexually? That niceness is called sin. Please read the verse yourself. I don’t want you to say Ng’ang’a said it.
These days many young people do not believe this verse. I am getting very surprised because when we got saved girls were girls and boys were boys. In fact even when we said embrace one another; we used to say embrace only the embraceable because there are people you can sit next to who are not embraceable. But the new crop, and some of you are that age, have completely redefined the whole thing. You see young men embracing girls you would think they are wives. Later I say to the boy, oh I met your girlfriend. No, that’s not my girlfriend. But he was embracing her like they have been married for five years, yet they only met yesterday. There are two problems with this. If you are saying you can pet any girl and it is ok as long there was no sexual penetration,, then you are first really questioning the word of God. But secondly it might mean you have problem biologically .None is an attractive option
Day 7
Matthew5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart
So I want to suggest to you that the first way of living sexually pure is to start by understanding definition of sexual impurity according to Matthew five, it includes what happens in the mind. That’s why for example when you are dating, before the date agree with each other, what you can do and what you cannot do. The Matthew verse gives you the standard. You must not do anything that will cause you to be tempted in your mind. Not just physically but also in your mind.
That’s why when people say, is it okay to hold hands. Then it is ok only if holding hands does not cause you jitters. You need to understand whatever it is that cause you to start feeling sexually ‘nice’, that ‘niceness’ that is supposed to be in a marriage bed, then sense trouble. Are we together? Whatever that niceness is, although I agree you are going to marry her next year, or is it next month, but until that next month, it is called a sin.
So can you imagine what purity will be there when even people who are marrying next week start relating with each other aware of the meaning of the above verse? It means that you have committed sexual sin if you start imaging the sexual experience, even before you actually do it. Thus when you are talking to a single person or a married person who is not your spouse, please watch out what is entering your mind. That’s why for example even if you are married, you cannot call another woman who is not your wife and start watching a sexually suggestive movie together .You are asking for trouble. Isn’t it?
If you don’t get the evil feeling despite exposing yourself to sexually suggestive environments or events, it is likely there is something wrong with you biologically. It is important to understand that if you are talking about something that will tempt you; you should not be near it. It matters what you watch and with who you watch. Yet when it is your wife she can be half naked, fully naked, it doesn’t quite matter, and it will not be a temptation.
Avoid sexual thoughts and you will vapid sexual immorality.
On Fri, Aug 19, 2011 at 10:55 AM, John Ng'ang'a <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.> wrote:
Still waiting
From: Cleophas Barmasai [mailto:This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.]
Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2011 12:20 PM
To: John Ng'ang'a
Subject: Re: Jnnnganga meditations week 15th -21st august 2011.. ..why have Christian weeding before sex
I will send today. Sorry for delay.
On Wed, Aug 10, 2011 at 2:04 PM, John Ng'ang'a <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.> wrote:
Any progress
From: John Ng'ang'a [mailto:This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.]
Sent: Monday, August 08, 2011 7:30 PM
To: 'Cleophas Barmasai'
Subject: Jnnnganga meditations week 15th -21st august 2011.. ..why have Christian weeding before sex
Draft
Please correct and return
Jnnnganga meditations week 15th -21st august 2011.. ..why have Christian weeding before sex
Day 1
2 samuel
32 But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.
Am talking still to single people
Long after the wedding day ,when you realize that your wife came to you as a virgin and that she waited DESPITE the temptations , especially if you courted long enough, you tend to trust her ven btter during the marriage.
The temptations were in plenty and yet she said no to even you and any others and remained righteous. She trusted the Lord enough not to displease Him. If you now go to Japan for a year you know that girl will remain chaste, because she trusts the Lord. She is not remaining righteous for you, since she may have said no to you. She loved the Lord more than you. And if she loved the Lord more than you, it means whoever tempts her when you are away will also get a no.
When you actually give in before marriage, you have just spoilt you future relationship, your sexual enjoyment in marriage will be affected. when you realize that somebody saved herself just for you, it makes the sexual experience after the wedding day much richer .Every time you have sexual relation it just reminds you, ‘this girl is all mine, she saved herself just for me’. Or for you as a woman you realize, ‘this man saved himself just for me’. And it gives you a lot of confidence in your relationship.
If you really want to enjoy your sexual life after the wedding day, say no to him until the wedding. Do anything to wake him up to what he will lose in having sex before the wedding. You may even have to slap him. Chase him out of your house. If he insists too much ,the best style is not to negotiate. It may become too late when you also get emotionally weakened . Get him out of your house. And by the way he will hate you for an evening or two. Next morning he says, the reason she chased me really is because she loves the Lord. If she loves the Lord, it means nobody else can play with her. This is the woman I want to marry. This will bring him back with an apology and even more respect for you. And if he goes off good because he cannot wait then its good riddance since even if hyou married you he will cheat on you whenever you go for journey,
Day 2
Leviticus 18
20 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and defile yourself with her.
22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
Condemning Sexual immorality is a way, not of punishing us but of giving us something good. Why did God make it strict that sex could only be done in marriage? Those of us who are married and are Christians can answer that . It is because when you actually remain under God’s law, you enjoy sex more than anybody else.
Why do you think non Christian do not stick to one woman either before or after the wedding?. No, they don’t enjoy it. They are jumping from one to the other hoping to enjoy but they do not. The truth is when you do it outside God’s program , you don’t enjoy it. In fact you get other problems. It is important to understand that the reason the Lord is restricting you to one on one is not for His benefit. God will not benefit in any way, the benefit is all yours. It is because God wants you to enjoy it.
Exclusiveness of a relationship makes the sexual experience be very satisfying. That is why you have to pay prostitutes because they do not enjoy it but do it for the money .
Animals are different. When on heat animals cannot help but have sex, But man has self control that allows him to save his sexual energy for the right woman at the right time
Day 3
Revelation 21
8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”
Remember when we talk about sexual sin before marriage, the word we normally use is fornication. That is the sin done by people who are not married whereas adultery refers to people who are married. In other words when we talk about fornication we are talking about single people. Both are sins of sexual immorality, whether it is adultery or fornication.
But the word we are using more these days is casual sex. This is the idea that I can have sex with you for a night but neither you nor me have any intention of a long term relationship. They call it casual sex. And you need to understand that casual sex is the opposite of marriage. Marriage is a life long commitment to one person.
In other words the Bible says marital sex is the only legal sex, but casual sex negates this. When we talk about breaking the seventh commandment, thou shall not commit adultery, we are talking about having illegal sex . Having sex outside marriage will be breaking the law of God. Even if you are going to marry a girl later, you will have sinned .
Please make sure you have a long term commitment first.
Sp sex cannot be casual , It is meant to be only between two people for life .It mmeans pople have sex not just for themselves but also inconsideration of the other party.
Day 4
John 2
1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
If you have not had a wedding, you don’t have a marriage certificate, it is likely your husband sometimes thinks…. ‘even if I wanted to go outside marriage , what is there for this girl to use to stop me? After all I wasn’t even sure when and if I ever married her’. It leaves in his mind the possibility of your marriage as on or off. Sometimes on, sometimes off. When you annoy him it is off. When you are pleasing him it is on.
That is why the church emphasizes that even if you got into a relationship before the wedding day since you were not saved ,you need to come to the pastor, to regularize it. By the way you don’t have to give us tea in a wedding reception. That’s not part of the deal. Tea is bonus. All you require is two witnesses and the pastor who will be acting both on behalf of God and on behalf of the government. You will then get a blessing on the marriage and a marriage certificate.
You need to ask yourself, if in a casual come we stay relation ,’am I sure if I am married?In having sex without a wedding might I be sinning? You might think it is only men who assume you can pull out of a ‘come we stay’ relationship easily.. Some sisters are also of the same thinking. They get saved and they come for counseling. They say, ‘brother you know our marriage has such difficulties because I entered it when I was a non-Christian. I realize I had never made up my mind whether I am married . I just got pregnant’. What is she trying to say? That she wants me to confirm she can drop her husband of several years and so pick the one she consider a better man.
Those kind of thoughts die the minute you go before the pastor and you get the marriage certificate signed and it is all settled. You need to understand that when we talk about that commitment, you may have commitment between you and God, but it also needs to be a commitment that others can see .That’s why we have a wedding. The bible says things must established before two or three witness. it is important that you actually have a wedding certificate. That one doesn’t mean that you are getting married again. If you have been living together , you are already married. It means that you are making your wedding official and clear cut ,You need to invite jeus in your marriage by allowing his repreataive, pasto rt o bless your marriage
Day 5
Revelation19:7
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready
Some years ago my wife and I were involved in running a couples seminar in Eden Rock hotel in Malindi. Some church in Mombasa had invited us. We talked about sex before commitment being a sin. Exactly the way we are discussing now . In the middle of the retreat, somebody went to the pastor and said, surely it means tonight if I sleep with my wife I might be sinning? No, no. I don’t want to sin again. What can you do to help me? Can you sort me out? Fortunately the pastor had carried his marriage certificate forms , I don’t know why. So the following day I was told before preaching there was a ceremony to be done. And you know they got wedded. The hotel was very good ,they gave a cake for the wedding. So it was all sorted out.
They had been married I think for eighteen years but all that time, despite being pretty rich, well to do people and in the church, the left the matter un sorted. This allowed the man to toy with idea he could have second wife since not married in church. They kind of played down on it until we talked about. Then it occurred: why is it really we don’t want the marriage certificate?
Whatever it is that makes the getting of marriage certificate look like it should be tomorrow, or it is not that important, is the thing that will make you open up to temptation when a girl comes who is half the age of your wife yet seems to like you.
So it is important to ask yourself why do I not want to clear this matter.
Day 6
Rom 7:2-3
2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
Sometimes you hear people say, me I don’t say ‘I am saved but and I am a Christian in away’. You hear people say that. What is it that makes you not say you are saved? Whatever makes you not say it may be what makes you not even a Christian at all. If they ever say we are killing Christians, you would say to the executioners , ‘but have I ever said I am one’? And that’s why you need to say openly and clearly if you are born again.
Similarly to deal with this issue of sex, you need to talk together with your husband and confirm if you are committed for life or not ..are you married the church way ? Where is the certificate ? it is not settled, even if you had your traditional marriage, and you even paid the goats for dowry . You need to ask yourself, if you have met the requirements of your fellowship.
For example as a Kikuyu you even if he gave ‘ngurario’(shedding blood to confirm the marriage) but he may use this to say you are wife number one. I can later get wife number two. The only one wedding that that means you are the only one for life is the Christian wedding or marriage .
So when you tell me, ‘ I am married’, I ask ‘How? By Luhya customs?’. It means you are ready for a second wife. So why would you call yourself a Christian and yet your marriage is Luhyas? Luhyas normally can get twenty. Muslims say four but Luhyas can get twenty without a problem. Am I right Luhyas? Quite normal. There is nothing wrong with it. So you need to ask yourself, what kind of marriage are you talking about?
Is the interest in future extra wives the reason why you are not signing the Christian marriage certificate … so that you can have sex with this one, and the next time you have sex with another one, you say I did not sin, she is my second wife. It is very important that we sort out this issue.
All sins are sins, they will take you to hell, but there is so much about sex in the bible that God must have known there are very serious consequences in sexual sin. We have seen that that legal sex is not possible until the wedding day, so the wedding is the one that makes sex allowable. Any sex without a long term commitment, (I am calling wedding a long term commitment), if you are not willing to commit yourself long term you have no reason to touch her and sex will be sin.
Day 7
1 Cor 7:39
39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord
The second thing you need to understand about marriage is that this thing is like ‘one way traffic’. It is just like getting into a major highway . If you want to go to Mombasa you turn left, if you want to go to Kisumu you turn right. But if at that point you get a little confused and you turn right and you meant to go to Mombasa, what do we advise you to do ? You have to keep going to the wrong direction until the next round about. If you try to change direction before then you are committing suicide. The cars will be coming in a hurry and you risk a head on accident . You know you can insist and say, aah I must on to towards Mombasa! My friend, you will be dead.
That’s how marriage is also. Even if you took a wrong spouse according to you , you must continue on the wrong road until the roundabout and the roundabout for marriage is called death. Marriage is one way traffic. So you are allowed to change but in the next roundabout and the roundabout is called death. So you need to be aware that you can’t saying but Brother Ng’ang’a the way we are having difficulties with my husband I need a change surely. Now yes it is understandable but wait until the roundabout. So you keep going until the next roundabout. Sex with anyone else except this spouse that you do like ,is sin