Daily Meditations from John N N Ng'ang'a: Week of 25 – 31 July 2011— Sex Outside Marriage
Exodus 19:15
Then he said to the people, “Prepare yourselves for the third day. Abstain from sexual relations.”
Strangely, some people have been taught that if they don’t have sex before you are eighteen, something will go wrong with your sexual organs! As such the many boys who rush to be sexually active to avoid such damage! The boy may be a Christian but he won’t want to risk and hence is tempted to sin.
It is not different with girls either. These days, it is not strange for a girl to be laughed at if they are virgins by eighteen! To many, such would sound abnormal. Now to be immoral is so normal that it is abnormal to be moral. If somebody thinks that there is something wrong with you the pressure to conform becomes tremendous. I find this world view really horrible!
Day 2
Jeremiah 3:9
Because Israel’s immorality mattered so little to her, she defiled the land and committed adultery with stone and wood.
It is very important to challenge the world views that we have with the Word of God. Christians are expected to have biblical world view and not traditional world view. You cannot call yourself a Christian if your world view is the traditional view. You must replace your traditional view with biblical view.
Take the example of a referendum (such as the one we had in Kenya recently). A Christian may vote ‘Yes’ not because he agrees with Yes but so that he doesn’t go on the same side with so and so who is not from his camp. This displays that he is not a serious Christian. His is not about biblical world view!
So when you go to vote you don’t vote the way your tribe votes. You don’t vote the way the people you like vote. You don’t vote the way ODM or PNU votes. You vote by the word of God. You ask yourself, “What would Jesus do in this case?” You will vote Yes if you believe the Lord is saying, “Yes” and you will vote No if the Lord is saying, “No.” Most referenda in so called Christian countries show very clearly that majority of Christians do not have a biblical world view. This is not just because of the way they voted but because of the reasons behind why the voted the way they did. So your view on sex issue must be biblical.
Day 3
Matthew 15:19
For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander
On sexual issues, if you do not have a biblical world view, you will behave in a certain way not because the Bible says so but because of your traditions. That’s why even if your husband does something biblically questionable, you seem to understand, after all he is a man. Sexual sin does not go by gender. It doesn’t really matter if you are male or female. Sexual sin is evil no matter who does it and it will lead you to hell if you engage in it.
The biblical world view, in my understanding of the scriptures, is that sex is not mandatory requirement for human beings. Why? Adam, before Eve came, was without sexual engagement. It must have been for a long time. Sex is not like oxygen…you know if you don’t breathe you will die.That’s why you cannot say am going to fast on oxygen. No. We fast on other things but you cannot fast on oxygen. The minute you stop breathing oxygen you die.
Day 4
Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood
The scriptures assume you can stay without sex hence the instruction you do lie with a woman you have not married even if you are in love.
The bible will also not excuse you when you do it because your husband has died, or because your wife has died or because your wife has said no or your husband has said no. None of these is an acceptable reason to sin sexually. Sex is not required the way we need oxygen and so not all must be involved in it. You can wait.
If you are able to enjoy it legally then it’s okay. If you are not able to enjoy it you will survive. It is not the kind of thing you cannot do without.
You may like ‘Chapatis’ but they may not be available where you have travelled to. I had an experience on this one. Whenever I traveled during my employment that involved ten countries Chapatis as we know them, where only available in Kenya , Uganda and Tanzania. When I went to Mauritius, or to Madagascar, I asked for Chapati they would bring me something else! I realized they have never heard of one and they had no idea what that was. I assumed everybody eats Chapatis. The only way to eat Chapati is to come back to East Africa. I could not resign my job because of lack of Chapati. Chapatis are nice but I can do without them.
I am saying that sex is nice but, like Chapatis are not mandatory. Man survived without sex….you can do without. Thus there is absolutely no excuse that can be used if you are immoral.
Day 5
Romans 13:13
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy
Your husband or wife may have refused you sex for three months or four months. If you asked me what you would do, I think you could have continued without it! We used to think its only women who say no to sex. The other day I was counseling somebody where the man had said no to sex for one year! So the wife was wondering what to do. I’ve heard of men who, if you annoyed, will be no sex for the next three months.
According to Genesis 1 and 2, you can do without sex. If immoral and you end up in hell, you will not be able to say, “God don’t put me in hell after all you are the one who gave me the gift of sex. What could I have done when I did not have a willing spouse?”
Whatever Adam did before Eve came, that’s what you should have done.
Day 6
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral
It’s important to understand that sex is given as a blessing in marriage. The marriage bed must be held honorable. In other words, marriage bed, because that’s only where we may have sex? Not outside that and to honour it means you cannot have it outside marriage bed.
I am not suggesting marriage bed is a particular piece of wood. In my understanding of scripture, God is saying that He has blessed one to have sex once he is married, only with his wife. This is one of the many benefits of marriage. If you have sex outside marriage it leads you to hell, if you have sex within marriage, you are still heavenbound. Sex is a blessing given in marriage only.
Day 7
1 Chronicles 5:1
[ Reuben ] The sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel (he was the firstborn, but when he defiled his father’s marriage bed, his rights as firstborn were given to the sons of Joseph son of Israel; so he could not be listed in the genealogical record in accordance with his birthright
Any sex outside marriage is called a sin. It is called adultery.
Some small boys heard that word in a Sunday school and wondered, “Adultery…” It was too big a vocabulary for the Sunday school boys. So they were really debating on what it is. Even in my vernacular, Kikuyu, when I was a child, I didn’t understand what it was. In kikuyu, when they hear of someone committing adultery, they say, “Niaratharia”. Gutharia is to clean like you do to a blackboard after writing it in chalk.
So, when I was a student we were using a blackboard. When you write it you rub later. The same word in kikuyu for rubbing the blackboard is the same word for sex outside marriage. So I kept wondering. You overhear, “Ng’ania ni aratharirie.’’ Now, exactly what did he do? We could not understand what gutharia was. What did this man do that is so bad? You could see people so unhappy because of gutharia. Now what is this gutharia?
Back to this boy in Sunday school, the teacher asked, “Let somebody suggest, what is adultery?” One boy said, “I know. Teacher I know what is adultery. Adultery is adult error.” And you know, when I started thinking about it, I think the boy may be right it is an error only done by adults. Small children do not do it, isn’t it? When you commit adultery you are committing an adult error!
So what is adultery, another boy said, “Adultery is adult pretending to be older than they are.’’ I seem to also see the point of the boy. So according to the boy, adultery is the sin of pretending to be freer to have sex than you actually are! In other words, for you to commit adultery, it’s using freedom that God has not given you yet.
So, in immorality, you are giving yourself freedom outside the freedom God has given you.