Day 1

1 Timothy 5:11

As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry.

We continue our discussion on sex addiction. In some cases, sex addicts will start participating in dangerous sexual activities that could lead to self-injury and even death.

One of the things we know is that sex addicts cannot avoid STDs because they cannot even wait for protected sex. However, as we saw, protected sex is also a misnomer. There is no such thing as protected sex. If you wear a condom and think that you cannot get HIV, you are cheating yourself.

As we saw, surely if you know there is a ten percent chance to get HIV, why are you having casual sex then? It means that you have a sexual urge you are unable to control, whether it leads you to HIV, Hepatitis B, etc. But sometimes sexual activities end up with injury to your genitalia due to excessive sex or even excessive masturbation.

You can actually harm yourself by losing employment sometimes because you involuntarily sexually harass a woman. You feel helpless and cannot avoid sexually harassing a woman or man. You then lose your job and you could end up in jail. You could even fail in school because of your preoccupation with sex. We could go on with other impacts of sexual addiction.

How to Break Free

Let me just run through a few issues on how to break free from sexual addictions. I have already mentioned a few things related to this.

Day 2

Corinthians 6:12

I have the right to do anything you say but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything but I will not be mastered by anything.

So, what is the Bible teaching us? Refuse to be involved in anything that can easily master you. That is what the Bible is telling us. So, if you know something has mastered others, why are you trying it? You know for example alcohol addiction is everywhere. Yet some people can drink for twenty years and never get addicted. Some drink for one year and get addicted. The trouble is nobody knows in advance their threshold. So, why start it at all?

Anything that has addicted people you should avoid except if it is prescribed medicine. What about gambling? Think of all the addictive things that I had listed earlier. The best solution is do not get involved in it. That is what First Corinthians chapter six above is saying.

But I think the real helpful thing is for you to know yourself. You should all know that by being relaxed about building certain boundaries around your life, you put yourself in a vulnerable spot. You start initially with sexual thoughts but finally end up with sexual addiction.

It is not always obvious to us that certain seasons and situations make us weak against sexual temptations. So, one of the weaknesses is thinking you are stronger than you really are. So, your girlfriend comes to visit, and you lock the room so that you can talk confidentially one on one. You trust yourself that you cannot end up getting involved in sex. Who told you that you are that strong? You need to understand the daring feeling you are strong is from the devil. The Lord has not assured you of that strength.

Day 3

Romans 12:21

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Once you are a man and I’m a woman, if we are locked up in one room, and if I am biologically normal, chances are things might go beyond your expectations. So that is why, if your boyfriend is visiting, leave the door open. If he says, “Let us lock the door,” then ask why. What do you intend to do that needs the door locked?

Now you need to understand that when you know yourself, you must insist on acting on your knowledge despite your partner’s opposition. What do you know about yourself? That I am biologically normal. If you know you are biologically normal, let your girlfriend know: “I am vulnerable. Never tempt me. Always come properly covered because I am biologically normal.”

But when she comes into your room and you feel aroused, as sexual thoughts are coming, start by saying to her, “Hallelujah, I’m biologically normal.” Because you see, if you feel nothing, there is trouble. When she is exposing herself and you feel nothing, you need to see a doctor or a prayer warrior because obviously you are not biologically normal.

So it is good to know you are biologically normal, but the moment you know you are biologically normal, do not allow her in your room if she is inappropriately dressed. Am I clear? This is a very important thing. But if you know you are not biologically normal, let her come. She can even be naked; it cannot affect you because you have a condition. But if you are normal, the way to handle this is to know yourself’that you are biologically normal’and act on it. Without warning, feelings can arise, and boundary lines can be compromised, all with justifiable explanations. “I will do it only once. I will never repeat it.”

So the most important solution to sexual temptation is to know yourself and act on that knowledge. If you know you are biologically normal, you do not go even a little in that direction.

Day 4

1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 says;

so, then let us not be like others who are asleep but let us be awake and sober for those who sleep, sleep at night and those who get drunk get drunk at night. But since you belong to the day, let us be sober putting on faith and love as a breastplate and the hope of salvation as helmets

Number two: obey God’s command to be sober always. So let us be sober. To be sober means I’m in total control of my mind. To be sober means I’m aware of any risk I’m taking, and so I do not take foolish risks. Look at 1 Corinthians 10:13:

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

One of the problems we have is arguing, “Yes, I’m homosexual, but that is the way I was born. Now God is to blame.” The moment you blame God, that is your end because you have just blamed the one who can help you. Admit that the sinful thoughts are bad and you are guilty since you are in charge of them.

Number two: ask him for help. Do not call sexual addiction inborn. Look at 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.”

In other words, now that you know yourself, you know certain people are likely to put you in sexual situations. If your girlfriend is that type, please drop her as early as possible.

Do not say, “I’m strong.” No, you are not strong. You know you are vulnerable. Accept that you are vulnerable and then do not be misled. If you keep the company of a girl who wants sex, you will discover yourself having sex sooner or later.

But sometimes it may be beyond your abilities to change, and so I would recommend group therapy. Do not be alone in facing these sexual thoughts; share with somebody who has the ability to help.

Day 5

Ephesians 5:18-20 says;

and do not get drunk with wine, that is debauchery but filled with the Holy Spirit addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks to the Lord always and for everything to God the father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

In other words, come together and help one another as you sing hymns. Belong to a fellowship. As a man, do not share with a woman, my brother; share with another brother that these thoughts are excessive.

Pray together with your mentor. Do not suffer alone. One of the ways the devil likes to destroy us is by separating one sheep away from the other sheep. That way he can handle us easily. So if you are having excessive sexual thoughts, share them with another brother. You ask, “How do you tell if he has problems himself?” Even if he has problems, when two of you who have problems are fighting the battle, you are likely to win better than if you try alone. But of course, go for a strong, wise Christian brother.

Day 6

Genesis 32:28

Then the man said, ‘Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.’

So appreciate that discomfort with sexual thoughts is normal. In other words, if the reason why you are going to sex is to relieve suffering, please accept, as per Romans 5:3-5, that suffering and challenges will come your way until we reach heaven.

So do not try to relieve your current sexual problems by doing something sinful. Tackle the problems by seeking God’s help, but do not try to sort them out through sin. And then James 5:15 is saying the solution is prayer.

Prayer alone and prayer with others.

Report the matter to God, and He is certainly going to deal with them. James 5:16 is saying:

“Therefore, confess your sins to each other.”

Here you get somebody to hold you accountable. In other words, not just sharing like I said earlier, but agree to fight this thing together. Let us pray together and then ask me every Wednesday whether for the last seven days I have had sexual thoughts, and if so, what did you do about that? When you get an accountability partner who loves you’not who laughs at you but who loves you’he is likely to hold you accountable, and you are likely to get pulled out of it with God’s help. So let somebody else hold you accountable.

Finally, take yet another look at yourself; recognize and acknowledge a need for change. Do not settle for just being sober; go for total purity. In other words, do not argue, “After all, I have not sinned.” Please go to where you do not want to have anything that has to do with sin. Pray to God and commit to begin a new life.

Day 7

John 16:33

‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’

My prayer is that as you finish reading this, four things will be clear. Number one: that there is nothing wrong with sex at the right time with the right person. Am I clear on that one? That when you have sexual thoughts, you must always start with “Hallelujah, I am normal.” So do not start looking at sex as evil. I do not like this. No, it is a good thought but a sinful thought. So start by saying, “Hallelujah, I am normal, but God, help me to keep off until the wedding day.”

Number two: I am praying that you understand very clearly that with anything addictive, the best solution is do not get involved at all. If it is addictive, whether it is alcohol or it is sex, avoid it totally. Sex is addictive. Please do not start until you have somebody you can righteously practice it with normally. And that is after a wedding. Please do not start it earlier.

Number three: we have just said that the negative impacts of sex are both now and eternally. So I pray for that reason you are going to avoid it because it will give you trouble on earth, and then you go to hell.

And then finally, I pray you trust that God, as he has promised, will sort the matter out for us. Never give up despite your current addiction because you know God has promised to help us.

Your mentor should refer you to a trained therapist once you both assess you need that help.

If you are saying, “Yes, I have struggled sexually,” I am praying for you that you have victory over these sexual thoughts from now onwards for the rest of your life. I know God will help you as you fully submit to Him.